christmas 2005 and salem and wilsonville

It will be Christmas in less than an hour, and I wanted to take the receding moments of the day to share my gratitude for life and the people in my life. It was a day of common and extraordinary things, but the latter partook of the former and were not separate from them. For the first time in several years I felt comfortable in every activity of the day, as if the holiday had finally itself been redeemed for me after nearly dying in the death of my old life. Friends, family, gifts and timing all seemed to align themselves today in a symphony which beckoned me back into a new world of marvelous complexity and grace. Even the weather was unusually clear and balmy, with the mercury topping 60 degrees in mid-afternoon.

The Day Takes Shape

What was striking to me as the kids left this morning to join their mother on a trip to Portland was how the day took shape only slowly in my mind. I needed to do some shopping, but it wasn't clear to me what I still needed to get. I had to wrap presents. I wanted to do a little writing, even if it was only reproducing a few thousand words from an old sales law code. Then, it dawned on me that I would have some time before the kids got home, and I finally let all the noise in my mind simmer down so that it became clear to me what I wanted to do for the day. I really wanted to call friends on the phone just to wish them Christmas greetings. Nothing special. No invitations. No deep messages. Just wish them and their families Christmas blessings.

My excitement grew as I began shopping and wrapping presents, and I put together a list of about 25 or so people/couples to whom I wanted to wish Holiday greetings. Then, promptly at 2:00 p.m., and lasting for two hours, I began to call people. Where did I get the idea? I recall a story told once to me by a university president about 20 years ago, that the best times for fund raising for him were on Christmas Eve morning or afternoon. Everyone was in a good mood or wanted to be put in one on that day. And, by asking them for money, my friend the president affirmed his friendship with them and their value to something which would outlive both of them.

Calling Friends

And so I began to call friends. One was watching a football game, and one was reading a book. One gave me the number of another friend to call, but had to ask his under 20 year-old son for technological help to get the number off the cell phone while still talking with me. One was making Swedish meatballs and another Italian ravioli. One, on the East Coast, was eating a bowl of chowder before going to Christmas Eve services with his family, and one was driving with his wife on the Interstate from Kansas City to Omaha, from visiting his 97 year-old mother to visiting his daughter, her husband and three children. One was a lawyer from my old firm, who told me that a partner in the firm was taking on a death penalty case, an Oregon case. He also mentioned to me that a friend's wife, whom I had not talked to in three months, announced two months ago that she had cancer. She herself received that news from the doctors shortly before her daughter's wedding party.

One friend said she was glad to see me at a holiday party of my Salem discussion group last week, and that I looked vibrant and strapping and healthy. Another, an audiologist, talked to me for about 10 minutes, even though I worked more closely with his wife in my early days in Portland. We pledged to get together in the new year. I will certainly will look forward to it, not only because I would love to eat dinner with Duane and Dana, but because I think I am losing some of my hearing...

It was surprisingly easy to catch up with people, despite not having spoken to some in quite some time. The fact that I was on the other end of the phone on the day before Christmas extending my good wishes to them made several feel that they just needed to tell me all the good, and some of the difficult, things happening in their lives. I became the trustee of secret thoughts and wishes, of halting speech and roaring laughter, of heartfelt wishes and earnest inquiries into my life.

And no one complained. No one moaned about his fate or cursed his stars. No one let regrets overwhelm or even dominate the conversation. Everyone wanted to weigh life positively, even if I could sometimes almost hear the scales balancing in the background. It was such a common time of easy conversation, yet it was a most sacred time of friendship and true love.

With Kids

Then, for about four hours, it was just the kids and I. We shared a dinner at a downtown restaurant and then returned to open presents together. Feeling unusually spontaneous, I decided to make a little speech before we opened presents, to the effect that I was so grateful for them, for what they meant to me, for their desire to spend time with me this Holiday season, for the joy and light they brought and bring into my life. Each of them spoke in turn, too, and our mingled thoughts formed the cushioned background for sharing of gifts. And, some of those gifts had screeched into our house that very afternoon through the fine offices of UPS and Fed Ex.

And so I retire, at midnight, in gratitude for the day. Emails and calls from friends are still coming in. I think, after 53 1/2 years, I have finally realized how to do Christmas Eve correctly. I had to work for it this year, but maybe that is the way it is to be done. I am grateful that there are people in my life who are around to permit me to learn that.

Conclusion

Lest you think that this was too "Christian" a December 24th, I have planned a special day tomorrow. I will worship at an Episcopal Church in Wilsonville, where my friend Tony is rector, and then go up to Portland for dinner with some Jewish friends. I figure I still need to cover all the bases. Maybe next year I can fit in Kwanzaa, too.

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