Revisiting a Picture

My favorite picture in life, without doubt, is the "four brothers" picture taken by my older brother's wife, Nancy, in 1975 (I originally thought it was taken in 1974, but 1975 is much more likely). The picture and 2004 essay about it is here, but I want to return to the picture with more observations today. First a general word.

1. The photo depicts the four Long brothers in a playful time just before my older brother Rick's wedding. I don't recall if the picture was "staged" or not; Nancy, as a skillful photographer, might have told us to do something like we see depicted. But even if it is staged, it is true to life. In my 2004 essay I talked about a transaction happening between Chris, the youngest, and Rick, the oldest, with Bob, the third brother, looking on with approval.

2. I also noted in 2004 that I play an interesting role in the photo--I am in the middle, or right in the "action center" of the photo, but I am completely removed from the action that is taking place. This essay reflects further on my role in the photo.

Becoming Bill

3. There appear to be two centers of action in the photo--the space between Chris and Rick and the overlap between Chris and me. The Chris/Rick axis appears, initially, to be the obvious center, but as I look more and more at it, I think the overlap between Chris and me is really the "center." It is as if I am standing there, behind Chris, with him fading into me (or vice versa), somewhat like a guardian angel or some kind of source of power.

4. But a closer examination of me reveals other things. My right hand, with long and almost delicately wrought fingers, is suspended there, mysterious and powerful. A bit of sheen on the right side of my face illumines me and gives a radiance or glow. Even more, however, the concentrated look downward, the peaceful visage, the completely harmonious or "balanced" body, suggests a kind of energy, power, focus, and illumination that is other-worldly.

5. This other-worldly look is almost savant-like, I think, but it bespeaks an engagement with another place that is so strong that even the banter occupying three brothers in my immediate vicinity can't draw me out of it. I am, to use John Milton's line, "feeding on thoughts," even at the rather tender age of 23. What is in store for that young man? Or, better said, what kind of life would be/would have been best for that young man so that the beauty, so radiant and powerful, so built into the very essence of the man, comes out?

6. Let me tell you a little of the life that has resulted for him. In the picture he had just completed his first year of divinity school and would eventually graduate Summa cum Laude in 1977 from seminary. But we already see in the seminary choices the challenge that would be posed to him in life, for he was, at the same time, an A student, a Greek teaching fellow and student body President. The first two are easily explicable from this photo, but the last? It doesn't "fit," unless we see that his power is a sort of engaging power also, a flow which occasionally brings him out of the sweet retreat of the mind and into the world. But it doesn't look like he will be too successful in the interactive/worldly/political sphere. He isn't "in" on the three-way discussion; thus, he misses something that, though perhaps flip, still tends to make up the world of those who are politically or worldy savvy.

7. He pursued doctoral studies in religion, being invited to apply and receiving a full scholarship to return to the undergraduate home, Brown University. His efforts there were stellar; he was awarded a prestigious international fellowship to study in the German university of his choice; he received a job offer, and accepted it, from an elite Western college. His quick mind, mastery of the Bible, easy engagement with ideas, and genial personality got him into almost anything he wanted.

8. But he was bitten by the "public service/politics/worldly success" bug shortly after beginning to teach in 1982. He wanted to be successful in ways others marked success, but he wanted to be successful in several different ventures and fields all at once: politics, religion, church, school, teaching, writing. He lost his cherubic countenance and firm source of centering knowledge. Marriage, which happened in 1977, yielded two beautiful children, who are the joy of his life until today.

9. He never could "make it" at any job longer than a few years. Things would shortly thereafter fray. The combination of his personality, unclarity regarding life direction, and enormous inner power poorly directed led to frustration and more than a few feelings of sadness, disappointment, loss, failure and guilt.

10. Finally, after six work venues, he decided, beginning Jan. 1, 2007, to be a solitary thinker, writer, learner. He still had to make money, so he did "odd jobs" in consulting or writing and coaching that provided a sufficient amount of money to live. But now, late in 2009, he looks again at this picture and says that it is time to honor the young man who longs, masters, internalizes and is at complete peace with himself and the world. He is a power source in his own world, and the sun shines on him as he is in that world.

That is why, friends, I try to study, write, think. Period. It has been the only thing that has continually provided pleasure and challenge for me. Others will have to try to "connect" me to the world; my love is to pore over, master, internalize, and bring the beauties of words, ideas, history, people, knowledge to the world--through writing here but, even more, through my nightly visitations and morning recitations. I can hardly wait to memorize the next line.

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